new kids, old teacher September 22, 2010

In the last two days I got three new kids.  One of them was flagged as probably needing a referral for possible special ed services, another probably needs to be referred for speech services, and the third doesn’t speak any English, acts as if rules don’t apply, and is both independent (yay) and impulsive (sigh).  All three of them are very cute and sweet, however, so they will fit in nicely with all my other cute, sweet kids.

I feel like I’m already behind.  I’ve been thinking about new teachers, and how they work really long hours, and how I….um, don’t.  Partly it’s because I don’t really need to, as an experienced teacher, part of it is because I want time for myself and for my family, and part of it is because I’m just so damn tired.  My migraines have not been great lately, and my allergies are now knocking me flat.  I can’t stand the idea of missing school so early in the year, but maybe I will have to.  It’s probably not the greatest to have a teacher who feels (and perhaps acts) like she is far, far underwater.

However, today after the kindergartners came out, a few kids made a circle holding hands and started playing a game where they’d jump in the air and crash on the ground, still holding hands.  They were getting rough and pulling each other’s arms, so I showed them how to play Ring Around a Rosie.  Seriously, you’d think that none of them have ever played it before.  Actually, probably none of them ever have.  Each time we played more of my students and more of the kindergartners joined in.  I showed them how to play it without pulling or crashing into anyone when we all…fall…DOWN!  It was kind of wonderful, watching the children so happy about such a simple old game.  I kept singing, and kept ringing around that rosie, even though I was losing my voice, and getting really tired.

Also on a nice note, Apple came over to hug me at recess.  About 8 times.  “Mrs. X!” she would exclaim with joy, and wrap her arms around me.  She showed me how she can now count to five, which was great.  (Her new teacher is thinking about referring her to special ed, which I was going to do but I dropped the ball.  I’ll give her my documentation.)  Squash came over, and pointed out another boy from our class last year.  “Yeah,” I said, grinning, “but I don’t think he loves me anymore.”  Squash said, “I still love you, Mrs. X!”  Then he hugged me.

So I’m tired and feel like death warmed over, but I do feel loved.

when things don’t go well, i blame myself September 15, 2008

Actually, things went okay today, on this, our eighth day of school.

On Friday I passed out the Friday folders to the children as I was lining them up to go out in the hall to get their jackets for recess.  They started opening their folders, dropping their papers on the floor, and chatting with each other, and I had a really hard time getting them out to the cubbies, getting them to put their folders away in their backpacks, and then getting them in their jackets and back in line to go outside.

I raised my voice a few times.

When we got outside and the children were playing, I told Miss Nelson, “well, I screwed that up.”  She was really nice about it but I could tell she agreed with me that I should have told the children what to do (or not to do) with their folders, before handing them out.

I chatted with our Friday volunteer, a senior in college who hopes to teach Spanish someday, and asked him, “did you see what I did wrong?”  He looked startled, so I explained that if something goes wrong in a classroom, it’s often the teacher’s fault.  I try to look back and figure out what went wrong, and what I should do differently next time.

I didn’t feel terrible, however, and I had a very nice, relaxing weekend.

So, on to today.  It was better, but I just had a hard time recognizing that or being able to relax.  I started my day with technological problems, and a request from a 2nd grade teacher to do a Fountas & Pinnell benchmark reading assessment with one of her students, and I realized that I hadn’t finished my weekly lesson plan or gotten my room ready or switched out the books on the shelf.  I also found out that I have three new students, one of whom would be arriving in 30 minutes.  So I really had to scramble, and when I opened the door to the classroom at 9:30 to greet my students, I felt like I had been in triage mode.  Only the most important stuff got done.

Nan didn’t show up, so I figured she had arrived with just enough time to greet our special ed students off their buses.  That’s fine, but it meant I didn’t get to touch base with her before the children arrived, which is what I prefer.

I was on my own, and had to greet the children, help them find their cubbies, remind them to get their Friday folders out of their backpacks, give stickers to the ones who remembered, greet my new girl, remind everyone to sign in and move their nametags (from “who’s not here?” to “who’s here?”), and show the whole class how to draw or write in their journal for the first time.  I ended up begging another teacher to help me for five minutes, which she did, thank goodness.

On the bright side, they soon went off to Gym and I had a little time to myself (I inhaled a cookie) to get more things done, and then I went off to assess the second grader, in my role as a mentor teacher, helping other teachers with our new reading program.  He didn’t do all that well, so now I have to go back tomorrow and try again with a lower level assessment.  Then the children returned and we had a pretty nice morning meeting.  Our first time doing centers where they get to decide where to go (using clothespins with their names on them to clip to the centers time pocket chart) went surprisingly well.  I vaguely remember that last year’s class took weeks to figure it out, and these guys seemed to figure it out on the first day.

David had a really good day, and then, alas, at blocks he accidentally knocked over Leo’s building, so Leo hit him, and David punched him in the chest really hard before Nan could react.  Thankfully Leo handled it quite calmly, and Nan was able to get both boys to take time outs.  (I emailed Leo’s mom to tell her what happened; I hope she doesn’t freak out.)

Then I read Knuffle Bunny for the first time, using the Repeated Interactive Readaloud method, and it went pretty well.  Only David and a cute spacey girl we’ll call Trixie (after the main character in Knuffle Bunny) and a few other children were able to answer questions or participate in the discussion, but that’s okay.  It’s early yet.

We had a hard time getting ready for recess, so when we got out there and I checked my watch I realized with a sinking feeling that we had only two minutes left before we had to go inside.  Yes, this would count as one of those things that was my fault.  What kind of teacher gives her class two minutes for recess?

So when I blew my whistle to line up, two little non-English speaking girls looked right at me, and then ran away to keep playing.  Several other classes were outside at this point, and no matter how often I blew my whistle, the two girls would not line up.  In fact, they had vanished into the crowd.  I had the rest of the class in line heading toward the school, but David looked like he was about to lose it, and Max started pushing, and I could see Nan fruitlessly searching the playground.  Finally I told the class to stay where they were and ran to the playground, where I found the girls and yelled at them.

Yuck.  I still feel bad about that.  What kind of teacher yells at her students at all, let alone on the 8th day of school?!  I regretted it instantly.

We managed to get inside without David punching anyone, although Max was yelling, and I found a Spanish-speaking assistant to talk to my two little recess runaways, and I managed to get everyone on the bus or handed over to a parent.

I’m home now, but I felt a little twinge of anxiety not long ago.  I haven’t had trouble with anxiety for months, and I really don’t want it to come back now.  I’m trying to breathe, deep breathing, keep breathing…..I need to be ready for tomorrow.

yes David, I love you September 10, 2008

David is struggling.  He came off the bus angry today — I found out later that someone at home had yelled at him.  I was trying to line up my class to go to gym and he got off the bus late and started laughing and running through the halls.  I let Nan go after him (walking, of course; we don’t chase children), and I went down to gym, and he eventually showed up, and was calm. 

Nan is a miracle worker.

But when I picked them up, Nan whispered to me that gym was hard for everybody, and that David was hitting a lot and had to take a time out.

He was fine in meeting — he loves morning meeting.  He interrupts me eagerly with all kinds of answers.  He understands everything I’m doing with the calendar and the morning message, and some days, it seems like he’s the only one.  We wrote down what we know about bugs on a chart and he loved that.

Then he suddenly punched the kid next to him.  So I said he had to take a time out and he wouldn’t go, and then he ran out of the room.  Nan, again with the miracles, got him to come back and sit in the chair, and when I said, “are you ready to come back?” he smiled and nodded yes, quite seriously.

He hit again on the way to recess, punched a classmate in the face on the playground, and had to sit on the bench the rest of the time.  He wailed with grief when recess was over.  It was really short today because we had such a hard time getting lined up and outside.

Then when Nan was helping him get his coat, he said, “Teacher!” and when I looked back at him, he blew me a kiss.

Yes, David, I love you.

the first two days of school September 5, 2008

There are two boys in my class who know each other from last year and are giving me a run for my money. 

Let’s call them Max (as in Where the Wild Things Are) and David (as in No, David!).  Max has a face like an angel and also likes to screech.  David is really smart and sweet, and cannot stop hitting other children.  Max loves school, and he loves to wrestle and punch.  David is either following directions perfectly, or he is interrupting me constantly and hitting each child he sees.

Both boys have been in time out already, and Max has already had to miss recess!

The tricky thing is that my new special ed teacher (Miss Nelson, let’s call her, as in Miss Nelson is Missing) — who replaces Ali, who has gone on to her own preK classroom — is terrific, but she and I don’t share a long working relationship.  I don’t know what she thinks of me and how I’m handling my two little miscreants.  I definitely need her help, so I think I’m going to call her this weekend and ask for her advice, and let her talk about what she thinks we should do.

The other tricky thing is I still don’t have an assistant teacher to replace Jan, so when my young volunteer and I took the class outside, Miss Nelson was inside with a screaming Max (who could NOT BELIEVE I was not allowing him to have recess after kicking one kid in the stomach and punching a little girl in the face), and I was more or less on my own with David, who had to take two time-outs on the playground, and Leo (Leo the Late Bloomer) who totally melted down yesterday when it was time to stop playing pirates and go in to get our backpacks and head for the buses.

The volunteer was very helpful, and Leo didn’t mind getting on the bus today.  (I grabbed his hand before I blew my whistle to line the kids up, and said, “Let’s go look for pirates!” which seemed to help.)

All the kids who don’t speak English are doing really well, at least.  One of them cried yesterday, but he LOVED it when we sang “Happy Birthday” to him in both English and Spanish today, and another one did fine yesterday but was sobbing during gym class today.  She accepted my hug as comfort, however, and she made it through the rest of the morning just fine.  One little boy seems really puzzled as to why I want him to sit still and keep his legs folded in the meeting area — I’m guessing I’m his first teacher ever.  Poor kid, I must seem like this strict, strange lady who speaks in gibberish and won’t let him just do whatever he wants.

We opened up art yesterday, and then today we opened up the sand table.  Whoops, not too much sand in there.  I need to find some, stat!  Ferdinand (Ferdinand the Bull) — who was in my class last year and is repeating, to give him more time to learn English so we can better understand his special needs — was really confused why everything wasn’t open, the way he remembers it.  He keeps pointing at the blocks and the house corner and our centers time chart — come on, teacher, remember how we’re supposed to do centers time?!

I can’t wait until we’ve finally learned all the routines and are on our regular schedule.

And I really hope I can figure out how to get Max and David to stop hitting.