I don’t care how great you think you are

Yesterday a kindergarten teacher in my mentoring group turned to me at our weekly meeting and hissed, “you should just come and observe me and get it over with, I don’t care when. Actually, just skip it and give me all twos, because I don’t give a shit!” Her voice was filled with anger, but her eyes were filled with tears.

I was speechless. I think I babbled something like, “uh, okay” and then the master teacher started the meeting.

So this morning I went to her room and asked if anything was wrong (the tears seemed to indicate stress at home), and was there anything she wanted to talk about, or anything I could do. She started ranting about our teacher quality program, and how stressed and overwhelmed it makes her. She said the program is unfair, because she has been comparing her observation scores with other teachers, and that it is inconsistent. You know, another teacher got 4s and she got 2s, and she was sure they did everything the exact same way.

I told her that comparing scores was a toxic thing to do, and tried to get back on the subject of how I could help her this quarter. She said, “I don’t care how great you think you are, but don’t even try to help me. It’s too late. I don’t give a shit.”

But it really seemed like she does give a shit.

And I give a shit; I was a little bit sick to my stomach all day.

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